Semi-Liveblogging the Mid-Summer Classic (two hyphens in one sentence, nice). I'm going for a stream of consciousness kind of thing here, not aiming for proper grammar, etc. Usually the ellipses (...) mean I've skipped some things, so if it doesn't makes sense, that's why. Enjoy:

Thoughts from Pregame: Lots of awesome old Hall of Famers kicking around... last season of Yankee Stadium... yadda yadda yadda... Why did I think Brooks Robinson was black?... More shit about Yankee Stadium... whatever, I'm zoning out...

1st-3rd Innings: Boring as hell... nothing at all doing. 0-0 through 3.

Top 4th Inning: Albert Pujols gets thrown out at 2nd on a laser from Ichiro. Hasn't major league baseball learned not to run on Ichiro yet? Please. Rookie mistake, bet it costs the NL the game (Remember I was right on this one the last time I liveblogged a baseball game).

Bottom 4th: Milton Bradley reaches on an error by Hanley Ramierez (surprise!), then promptly gets picked off of first by Carlos Zambrano. More rookie mistakes in an All-Star Game. Yippee.

Top 5: Matt Holiday hits a homer to deep right... 1-0 NL, great, some offense, I think I'll wet my pants.

Bottom 5: Nate McClouth is now in center for the NL, my new favorite player on a shitty team... Infield single and a walk and the AL has something brewing with Ichiro coming up... aaand he strikes out. Of course. And even though Jeter did his best to strike out looking, he bounces out to the pitcher... 1-0 NL through 5.

Top 6: Ugh, why is Francona playing Varitek? This is embarrassing for all involved... Maybe he won't have to hit... Lance Berkman gets about 94% of that one and drives in Hanley Ramierez on a deep sac fly to center, 2-0 NL.

Bottom 6: Josh Hamilton singles then steals second, great, he just gave Buck and McCarver reason to continue fellating him, awesome. Sidebar: Does the NL have any catchers capable of throwing out a baserunner? Come on, this is an All-Star Game! 2-0 NL through 6.

Top 7: Francona goes to Minnesota closer Joe Nathan in the 7th. Damn, I think he really does want to win this thing... Who sent Eric Karros to the Joe Buck School of Broadcasting? He used to be good at his job.

7th Inning Stretch: OMG! IT'S JOSH GROBAN SINGING GOD BLESS AMERICA! HE'S LIKE, TOTALLY DREAMY!

Bottom 7: Who the hell is Ryan Ludwick and why is he playing left field in the All-Star Game? I expect to at least have heard of these guys... Good move, Francona pinch hits Navarro for Varitek, smart man (Though Navarro strikes out looking). Holy crap, it's J.D. Drew! What the hell is he doing here?!? (Though he is having a great season, I still don't take back what I said about him at the start of the season) And just as I finish shitting on him, he hits a game tying homerun, 2-2! You know why Edison Volquez gave up that homerun? It's because he wears his hat like an idiot. The brim goes in the front you douche. 2-2 through 7.

Top 8: Papelbon in to pitch, to ringing cheers of "Overrated!" by the lovely pro-NY crowd. Gives up a single then slams the door on a strike out with a 96+ heater. Overrated my ass. Another poor throw by a catcher puts the go-ahead run on third with one out, awesome. Adrian Gonzalez hits a sac fly to score Tejada, 3-2 NL. Nice effort by Navarro, not even trying to make a tag. Jackass.

Bottom 8: Some guy from SF quickly mows down two batters, now Hurdle goes to Billy Wagner... Awesome, I smell a comeback. HA! Called it! Sizemore steals second and is knocked in with an RBI double by Tampa rookie 3rd baseman Evan Longoria! God, I'm good at this! 3-3, headed to the 9th.

Top 9: K-Rod in to pitch the 9th, apparently Francona is holding off on pitching Mo Rivera until he has a lead... I guess... Francona's going to Rivera with one out and a runner on second in a tie game. Looks like someone finally pulled his head out of his ass and decided he wants to win. HUGE strike him out/throw him out double play to end the inning! We're headed to the bottom of the 9th, tied at 3.

Bottom 9: Dempster mows down Kinsler and Navarro, putting the game in the hands of J.D. Drew... delicious irony. I bet if he hits a homerun they'll cheer him. Not so fast though, Drew goes down looking, in the ultimate let down... Time for extras.

Top 10: The NL is 9-0-1 in the 10 extra inning All-Star Games. Good, maybe this will be over quick, because, to be honest, the length of this game is way out of proportion with my interest in it. This is delicious, Rivera is going to blow it, and I don't even care at this point. Or maybe not, Uggla grounds into a 4-6-3 DP, and we're still tied into the bottom of the 10th.

Bottom 10: Oh Dan Uggla, you may want to forget this A-S Game. You ground into a DP to end the inning, and then you misplay a chopper up the middle to put the tying run on, and then let the next batter put one right under your glove, with Michael Young going first to third. I'm about ready to call this one, with runners on the corners with no outs. They intentionally walk the bases loaded, and Sizemore grounds into a fielder's choice to, of all people, Dan Uggla. Evan Longoria grounds into a fielder's choice and Justin Morneau grounds out to short to extend the game. Dan Uggla owes a few gentlemen some beers for this inning.

Top 11: Joakim Soria lets up a hit, gets 2 Ks and a fly out. Good lord, why isn't this over yet? (And yes, I'm in it till the end)

Bottom 11: Kinsler leads off with a bloop single... I'm willing this game to be over... make it happen AL. Good Christ, Kinsler gets caught stealing at second, basically because Navarro can't get a bunt down to save his life. And it also looks like Kinsler was safe... God hates me. Drew singles up the middle... if Navarro could bunt, maybe we would have had a play at the plate on that one, but we will never know. It's up to Michael Young now (and, dude, I'm begging you...). Young singles, but Navarro is thrown out at the plate by Nate McClouth... Dionner Novarro has become my least favorite baseball player ever, just in the last 5 minutes. Carlos Quentin grounds out to 3rd... you've got to be kidding me.

Top 12 (and I wanted to go to bed an hour ago): Nate McClouth for MVP. He beats out what was meant to be a sac bunt to put runners on first and second with no outs. Watch, now they'll get like, an unassisted triple play or something. Oooh, or not, Russel Martin puts down a bunt (that was clearly going to go foul. Morneau, you silly Canuck), putting runners on second and third with one out. Intentional walk to Tejada bringing, oh dear Lord, Dan Uggla to the plate. Watch, I'm calling a 5-4-3 DP... WOW. He swung the bat exactly one half times and struck out... Asshole, there, I said it, it's out there now. WOW, George Sherrill, O's closer, comes in and strikes out Adrian Gonzalez with the bases loaded. For the record, Uggla and Navarro are now 1 and 1a on my list of least favorite ball players ever.

Bottom 12: Oh man! Oh man! Oh man! Damn it! I thought Guillen had enough of that to get it out, but he stands on 2nd with a lead-off double! Somebody bunt him to 3rd please. Sizemore grounds to 2nd, moving the runner to third , same idea as the bunt, especially because you could tell it was what he was trying to do... Lead-off double is squandered... I don't even feel like thinking anymore...

Top 13: Nothing happened. Nothing. I'm over it.

Bottom 13: I must really be getting tired, I'm having way too much fun sitting here by myself saying "Marmol" over and over again... Another Uggla error. Whatever, it won't matter. Drew steals second. This one is over with a base hit. No such luck, Carlos Quentin strikes out and curses so loud the mikes pick him up. Nice for all those kids watching the game... wait... I'm the only one left watching this Godforsaken game...

Top 14: Sherrill has another easy inning, one long, loud out by Nate McClouth providing the only excitement. One could hear the crowd groan when they realized the ball wasn't going out.

Bottom 14: Someone give me a gun so I can kill myself.

Top 15: Yawn. If I didn't have to pee so much from all the water I've been drinking, I'd be asleep by now.

Bottom 15: First and second, one out, a hit from Drew would win it... I'm not holding my breath... Drew walks...

1:37 am, Wednesday: Justin Morneau scores on a Michael Young pop-fly to right field... and I couldn't care less... I just want to go to bed now... I've earned it. You all owe me for torturing myself like this. Seriously, remind me that if I ever want to do something like this again, that I would prefer to be waterboarded.

UPDATE: Ok, one more thing. Somehow, J.D. Drew wins the MVP. A cute little trophy and a nice new 2009 Chevy Tahoe Hybrid. And of course, he gets booed. Shitheads. He might have just helped you win home field advantage for the World Series. Stupid. Ok, now that that's over, good night.