WARNING: The following post contains profanity, as well as an example of pure idiocy.

So, the other day I was friended on Facebook by someone I went to high school with, but really don't remember. This person has since moved out west and apparently become some kind of evangelical Christian. No big deal, people can be however they want to be.

Now, as most of you know, I find myself to be a pretty progressive guy, and have been especially upset by the whole Prop 8 fiasco in California. As far as I'm concerned, America is built on the idea that everyone, no matter race, color, creed, sexual preference, is equal. I may not have blogged much about it, but it is far more clear in my Facebook profile.

Why then, would this "friend" of mine invite me to join a group whose intent is to "Save Marriage," by demanding that marriage be recognized as only a union between a man and a woman? Shit like this really pisses me off. I'm sure this person will argue from a religious perspective, and to that I must respond, simply, that it is not a religious argument. Sure, it sucks that some churches don't want to marry gay people, but it is their choice. They are private institutions that can't be legislated. Do I wish it were different? Of course I do. But the marriage I am talking about is the legal kind, the kind that gets couples certain protections under the law, and certain privileges, like hospital visits and survivor's benefits. I can just tell that this is going to be a silly argument... but I can't wait.

Oh, and in the ultimate irony, this person currently has as their Facebook status: "We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal and are endowed with certain unalienable rights such as LIFE,Liberty and happiness!"

Clearly the rights of an unborn child are more important than those of adults. HA!

Ok, so I've avoided discussing this whole Lance Armstrong comeback thing, just because I wanted to see how it played out first. We're not at a resolution yet, but enough has leaked out that we can get a firm picture of what's going on. First, to introduce our players:

- Lance Armstrong: Self-important asshat who thinks he's so special that he can cure cancer by riding a bike.

- Team Astana: Kazakh-financed, Belgian-based cycling team that was banned from the 2008 Tour de France after failing doping tests the year before (not the whole team, just its best rider).

- Johan Bruyneel: Former director-sportif of Team Discovery Channel, Lance Armstrong's bff, and current DS of Team Astana.

- Alberto Contador: Current team leader of Astana, and possibly the best rider in the world today. Current title holder of the Giro d'Italia and the Vuelta a Espana, and the 2007 Tour de France champion. Only the fifth cyclist ever to win all three Grand Tours, and he did it in 14 months, a record for the shortest amount of time. Probably would have won the 08 TdF if his team was allowed to participate.

So this is what has gone down so far:

- Armstrong: I'm going to come back to professional cycling to win an 8th Tour de France and help cure cancer.

- Bruyneel: I would love to work with Lance again.

- Astana: We would love to have Lance join our team and be its leader in a Tour de France.

- Contador: Hey, guys? What about me? You know, I'm kind of like the best rider in the world, right? I'm this team's leader, if you bring in Lance, I'm going to quit.

- Bruyneel and Astana: We would love to have Lance win a TdF with our team.

- Contador: Fuck this, I'm out of here.

So let's get this straight. Astana is willing to lose the best rider in the world (I don't think you can really debate that title) to take in a 37 year old retired champion, who may not even ride with them past one year. On top of that, last time I checked, Astana is still suspended from the Tour de France. Let's be frank, the French hate Armstrong, and Bruyneel for that matter, wouldn't it be just perfect if Astana loses its best rider to sign Armstrong, then the French authorities don't allow them to race the TdF? It would be too much like right.

On a positive note, is there anybody looking for a team leader out there? We have a Contador for sale.

Coming Later Tonight (hopefully):

Graduate Student Manifesto


UPDATE: Tired. Manifesto tomorrow. Deal with it.

Here we are watching the Sox-Yanks live from Fenway in rousing ESPN HD, and we notice one thing from the crystal clear picture: Joe Girardi can not manage in the American League.

Firstly, he had to start one of the Molina brothers (doesn't matter which one) at catcher because Jorge Posada has a hurt shoulder, but put Posada in at DH. Mistake Number 1.

Girardi pinch runs for Molina in the 8th to try to get the game within one run.  The problem? Posada with his bum shoulder now has to go into catch. Girardi has now lost his DH.  Mistake Number 2.

Now he's only got two guys left on the bench, and one of them (Jeter) is hurt. Mistake Number 3.

The result: Coco Crisp gets on to lead off the inning, steals second on the first pitch because Posada can't throw him out, advances to third on a flyball, scores on a sac fly to center.  Sox are now up 3 in the bottom of the 8th.

Pedroia then singles with two outs and steals second with no throw... because Posada is hurt. No further damage, but you get my point.

Silly little man, and one poor manager.  At least he figured out how to get the pitcher to hit in the last spot in the order.

(Point of Order: I'm certainly not watching in ESPN HD, don't have that kind of money, but it sounded good, didn't it?)

So, we have trouble with this lady at work all the time. Just her, everyone else can handle following the rules and keeping their dogs on a leash and under control. I laid the greatest verbal beat down on her sorry ass today, it was a totally amazing feeling, you have no idea. I've never seen a person tuck tail and run away before.

Rock on!

Something else needs to be addressed here.  The silliness of some, especially pundits, about the latest "attack on America" is just foolish.

The new Absolut ad, which shows a majority of the American southwest as a Spanish/Mexican colony:


Funny, right?  Well I guess not.  Everyone's favorite pain in the ass border security and illegal immigration alarmist Lou Dobbs had a field day on this one on his show tonight. Fun as usual, but he missed the joke.  Not only that, he missed the salient point.  The map isn't even right:



The folks at Absolut got a little too zealous in their returning of America to Spain/Mexico.  They forgot about that little thing called the Louisiana Purchase. The cartophile in me is quite bothered by this slip-up.  Close, but no cigar, sorry guys.  Besides, people need to learn how to take a joke, I thought this shit was hilarious. Oh well, maybe next time a clever ad campaign won't cause America to pitch a collective fit. Ugh.



P.S.- It's more fun to say Lou Dobbs the way Bob Dole says his name in the third person. Try it, I defy you not to laugh.  You know how, all one word in monotone. LouDobbs!

You all should know that I just drank a $50 bottle of water (yes you read that right, water) all in one sitting. I feel horrible... not because I drank $50 water (unpaid for in case you were worried), but because a liter of water really fills a guy up.


Just fyi.

Draw your own conclusions from this picture, but this is the explanation I got from the subject when questioned about it, "Dude, you're forgetting the fatal fucking point- Girls dig me."



Again, draw your own conclusions...

The question of the day is this:

Why does every partner I have at work have monkey antics in their arsenal of things they use to try to impress the ladies? To wit:

- As some of you may or may not know I was an employee of the Massachusetts Department of Conservation and Recreation for three summers while in undergrad. One of my esteemed co-workers, Jerry, was world famous for his JMcC Simeon Hour routine on the dock. Walking up and down the dock basically acting like an orangutan. If you know him, ask to see it, I'm sure he's willing to share. Literally kept me in stitches for two whole summers.

- My current partner, BG (name concealed to protect the foolish... or maybe just job prospects), gave us quite a lesson today on how to impress the ladies by acting like a monkey, noises and all. Granted, pretty ladies were involved in this situation here, but really? Monkey is the only card you have to play in this situation? Bad form.

I'm thinking that it must be me who makes my friends this crazy. I mean, does anyone else have this problem?

Didn't think so.